I've been having a unsettled feeling the last few weeks. It's like a sense of anticipation tied with expectation that something is about to happen. I suppose it feels like Christmas Eve as a child, knowing that when you wake up, you get to open all those mysterious packages that you've been looking at for weeks.
At 3:15 am, December 3rd, I turn 41. As I think back over my life thus far, I have this sense of uneasiness that I haven't accomplished anything. That causes me to ask myself why I feel the need to accomplish anything- is it pride, vanity, or the desire to actually spend my life doing something that will mean something to others?
There is a quote made famous in a movie several years back- "What we do in life, echoes in eternity". This is very true for every human who has ever lived. No matter how short or long your life is on earth, what you do will follow you into the afterlife. The scripture is clear about this-
For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil. (Eccl 12:14)
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. (2 Cor 5:10)
I'm not so worried about being punished by God- my sins were wiped away by the blood of Jesus when I turned my life over to Him, and made Him Lord and Savior of my life. I'm very concerned about having nothing to show for the years He has given me. The great man of God Leonard Ravenhill shared this concern in his sermon "The Judgment Seat of Christ", and wrote the following poem-
His Plan For Me
When I stand at the Judgment Seat of Christ
And He shows His plan for me,
The plan of my life as it might have been
Had He had His way - and I see
How I blocked Him here, and checked Him there,
And I would not yield my will,
Will there be grief in my Savior's eyes,
Grief though He loves me still?
Would He have me rich and I stand there poor,
Stripped of all but His grace,
While memory runs like a hunted thing,
Down the paths I cannot retrace.
Lord, of the years that are left to me
I give them to Thy hand
Take me and break me and mold me,
To the pattern that Thou hast planned!
In a few hours, I'll be 41 years old. According to the latest statistics, the average American male lives to be 75 years of age. This means that my life is over halfway complete should I live long enough to obtain that average.
I have this sense that should I die right now and stand before Jesus to give an account of my life, much of what I've accomplished will not survive the fire of his judgment (1 Cor 3:10-14). Furthermore, I feel that what God has given and gifted me in (through whatever abilities I may possess) have been grossly underused.
I believe the anticipation I feel is that of impending eternity. Realistically, it could be years from now before I face His judgment, or it could be before I finish typing this sentence (whew! made it!). Whatever Jesus' will is for me regarding my time on this earth, I want to live whatever time I have left to HIS glory. Much of my life has been me focused. The real purpose of life, as revealed through God's Word and the Holy Spirit is to be HIM focused. So many people go through life and never discover the "meaning of life". As a Christian, I know that answer- it is one word- Jesus! The end. Period.
With that in mind, I take Leonard Ravenhill's poem to heart, and focus on these lines-
Lord, of the years that are left to me
I give them to Thy hand
Take me and break me and mold me,
To the pattern that Thou hast planned!
Lord Jesus, whatever time you have willed for me to remain upon this earth, use for your glory and the furtherance of Your Kingdom. Please squeeze out of me the maximum usage You can get from a human being, and let all of it bring praise to Your Name.
Many blessings,
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